Breaking it to Me Gently

-for decades I wanted to look exactly like a model in a Hot Stuff muscle supplement add I saw in a Fitness magazine in 1995. He called the feature page he wrote 'Doing it Right'. And his name was Christian 'Paredes'

-looking a lot like pop star Peter Andre but with dark brown hair and looking very 'Messiah' like

-I have been thinking recently DC Comics' Jenette Kahn set up the add as part of her method to try to maybe alter my sex, surge massively my muscles and get me pregnant with a  child I had to raise 100% properly

-like PAREDES as in PARENTS. And I when I had the magazine drew a line down the centre of a photocopy of it. Down the centre of his body and one side looked different than the other. More Messiah and nicer etc compared to the other side seeming looser etc

-I had a dream two nights ago. I was in an Intermediate Hall. And students were being called out

-one by one several female students I remembered were called out ton go and sit in the centre of the hall floor

-one Paul Longley said 'Christina Heard slut'. She was a student in my year and class about 1983. Like me wanting a new look to be like Christian's appearance. One day she came to High School with a new haircut  and no more glasses. Another girl student commented on 'the new Christina'

-CHRISTINA HEARD I now see sounds like CHRISTIAN 'PAREDES'

-like a warning in my dreams maybe if I did get a chance to alter my body. Just go with sticking to my body. And fixing the faults and trying to give me an amount of muscle

-one by one several sort of slut students came out. Like saying to me in a dream do I really want a wife that sleeps around and has another man's children. Paul Longley made a comment on the group being sluts. I saw once or twice in High School a group of a few friends looking like ugly sluts

-and one of the students that came out was my High School friend Kerry Lockheart. Tall, glasses, with almost shoulder length ginger hair. He had a slightly strange personality 

-he had a sex change. He was wearing a top like suspenders, with material at the base and most of the top bare chested

-he had a sex change . He was now a woman. But really a male with a vagina but no breasts

-I had been caught up by stars' work maybe meant to encourage me . And the idea it could be fun and make my future easier and safer

-to if somehow I got a method of altering my body. Make me male , with large muscles and breasts and a vagina

-I thought it might look cool to people. Instead maybe like on Lockheart it might looked warped

-again Paul Longley called out 'Kerry Lockheart slut'

-I think like my Beast bedspread has been giving me hints lately to avoid the idea of me having a partial sex change